it's so ridiculous-_-

for loving someone, that is so many question that can't be answered easily. that he really loves us or not, or does he stay for us forever or just in this moment, or els. i also have ever think a question like this. So much question in my head. but i can't answer it, and maybe he also can't. do not think much about it because actually i'm a person who have lots of imagination and always think about everything that not need to be thinked-__-. But the first question which alwys appears in my head that i can't throw it away from my weird head is:

am i the girl whom he really loves to?

actually, sometimes i think i'm not the girl. i'm so unperfect.
beautiful? not.
famous? not.
fabolous? not.
sweet? NOT.
and els.

i'm just perfect in:
fad. -__________________________-

yeah even that i always say "you're ugly", i can't lie to my self THAT the truth is he's handsome, cool. and els. not just physyc, but his emotion is really good. he can make me calm down, or make me laugh when i almost cry. hem, i can't tell him that the truth is he really perfect for me. it will makes me REALLY asshamed if i tell him-_-.

and me? oh gosh. let me tell the truth. in physyc, i'm not really beautiful (i'm still want to say i'm beautiful even just a little, that's normal, isn't it? wkwk) . and my emotion is really really really not stabile. sometimes i'm really happy and laugh, and then i'm mad, sad, and then cry-_-. the truth is i'm totally not perfect for him.

but sometimes people said : "don't look he loves you from your physyc or your emotion or els, just understand that he loves you because you've something that just owned by you."

WHAT IS THAT THING THAT JUST OWNED BY ME??????? oh gosh, let me kick my doll to let this things out of my mind.

wuuuuuuushhhhh.

well, in the same way that i think this thing, actually, i'm afraid of losing him. trust me, i'm really afraid. think that "will he always stay beside me like this until forever? or just in this moment?". well, this mind really hurts me, i guess-_-.

and sometimes, i think "will i stay to love him?" in the same way that i think "even maybe i can't have him? and even i have to wait him for a long time?". the answer is:

"I WILL. whatever happens, i will love him, never left him and never let him go"

well, oh yea, at least, there's something that i like from my self, maybe it is "weird", i guess hahaha.